Emily Post-Election

Today on MSNBC's Morning Joe, Liz Cheney, (daughter of former Vice President Dick Cheney), actually said that the only reason that people want her father to go away is because they don't agree with him. She told Pulitzer Prize-winning, Washington Post columnist, Eugene Robinson, "...It seems to me that you want him to shut up because you disagree with what he is saying...I haven't seen similar columns...saying that Al Gore should go back to Tennessee..."

Al Gore should go back to Tennessee?

Al Gore DID go back to Tennessee! And much to the chagrin of his supporters! Remember?

After the controversial election that was arguably stolen from him and non-arguably decided by a 5-4, strictly partisan, "burn after reading," Supreme Court decision, Al Gore disappeared and didn't re-emerge until he had a full beard. A FULL BEARD!!!

The dude left as the Vice President who had just presided over 8 of the United States' most prosperous years and returned as Theodore Kaczynski!...And when he did resurface it was in praise of George Bush and his administration's handling of the 9/11 situation!

That should be the rule: After leaving office, in order to criticize the succeeding administration, a captured Unabomber-like, lower-facial, hair-mask is required. Only former Vice Presidents who have had enough time to change their appearance to the point that they look like they’re either Amish or run moonshine are allowed to publicly argue against the policies of the current President, (or they must be participating in the filming of a future Academy Award-winning documentary).

Thank you Liz Cheney for revealing what proper political etiquette should be. Now tell your Dad to go borrow your sister's beard.

(Though this post is based on actual events, its intent is purely comedic. Gay rights are civil rights, and I am an advocate for equality.)

Fuck Dick Cheney!

Fight For The Presidency

I wouldn't be surprised if there were a physical altercation between the candidates this presidential election.

I think that the sole reason John McCain challenged Barack Obama to the town hall meetings is to juxtapose their toughness because if the presidential campaigns of Al Gore and John Kerry have taught us anything it is that America does not like pussies, (figuratively, of course, a lot of us really like literal pussies, you know what I'm sayin'? High five!).

But if Obama holds his own or doesn't appear meek enough I think McCain could resort to physically challenging the junior senator because it would be a no-win situation for Obama – If Obama takes the high road he's just another liberal wuss, and if he stands up to McCain, he's just a punk who stood up to an old man.

(Which, coincidentally, is the same reason that I never sparred with girls – it's a no-win situation...ugly girls, that is...lesbian, ugly girls...because trust me if I thought getting punched in the face might lead to a blow job, then lace 'em up, you know what I'm sayin'? High five!)

-Rocky