My Week Without Fast-Food Diary - Day 1: Went grocery shopping. It took way longer than the drive-thru. Not sure this whole "store" thing is going to catch on.

Stream of Conscience

My elbow has been acting up lately, (old boxing injury), and it sucks because whenever I am sore there is a midget in my head who constantly yells, "Da pain! Da pain, boss, da pain!"
And then my conscience tells me, "Midget is offensive. The correct term is dwarf."
And then the midget screams at my conscience, "You're a dwarf!"
And then my conscience asks me, "Seriously? We're not people, dude. What the fuck is wrong with you?"
And then I think, "In Bruges was cool."
And then my conscience says, "What? Oh, what the fuck?! You put me in a school-boy outfit? You're an asshole! You deserve to be an alcoholic...and broke...and you probably have AIDS..."
And then I think, "I'm good enough, I'm smart enough, and doggone it, people like me!"
And then my conscience says, "Norm Coleman is a douche nozzle..."

"Jeffrey Dahmer has a first name..."

I recently watched an Oscar Mayer commercial and it dawned on me how ridiculous those ads are - Why would anybody name their bologna? And on top of that, give it a last name? If my kid starts naming processed meats and then eating them I'm gonna think he's a retarded cannibal.

We Ho

*****Interesting Fun Fact*****

It's called "West Hollywood" because the name "Tranny Hookerville" was already taken.

Hershey's With Nuts

Yesterday I saw a 6-foot tall Black transvestite crossing the street and my first thought was, "Damn, I bet that bitch can dunk!"

Is that sexist?

"I'm Rubber, You're (Sniffing) Glue..."

I told an ex-junkie that I only smoked when I drank. He replied that he only shot heroin when he smoked pot. I told him that I don't shoot heroin when I smoke pot.

A Bindle of Joy

This economy is so bad that the University of Phoenix is now offering online degrees in "Hobo." Graduates receive a cap, a gown, and a bindle.

Thank you, be here all week, try the waitress - she's wonderful...

-Rock